Summer

    "I'm me...but I'm not.  I'm different.  I'm broken.  I've always been somewhat of a happy soul - a glass half-full kind of person.  But I feel like my glass was knocked over, and shattered into a million pieces.  But the truth is, my life is still good.  The blessing are still pouring... but pouring onto the floor.  It's not that I don't want to pick up the pieces and put my glass back together... it's just that I don't know how to right now.  And I guess, for now... that's ok.  It will have to be"  Colleen Hull


     I keep promising myself I'll get back to being my old self as soon as...
     But I don't know if I'll ever be back to normal.
     Maybe by next week?  Or maybe at least halfway back to normal?

     It's like someone shut off all the lights out this winter.  Matches and lanterns have been lit along the way, but this summer has be hard.  For a long time we have hoped and planned to have another baby here by now, but July 10 came and went with our arms still empty and August 16 will too.
      Being pregnant again is supposed to fix those feelings, but it doesn't.  It just adds to the anxiety that December 24 will just be one more empty due date.  It's a complicated feeling with too many hormones mixed together over the past 10 months to comprehend much of anything.

    Life is supposed to move on.  And it has.  And the rest of life is good.  The kids are happy, content, active, and doing great.  Life is busy but nothing out of the ordinary.

     When I started writing this I thought I would have more to say about this summer.  I didn't want to write this to just be miserable, I don't like being like that.  I was kind of hoping to transition both literally and figuratively from my rawness to blessings.  I don't want this blog, or anything about me, to be a place of mourning or sadness.  I don't believe in sharing the negative stuff in life online.  But that's all I've had to write the past several months.  And I want to move on from that.  To be lighthearted again and write about our life from a humorous perspective.  I hope, and I'll try, to get back to that soon.

In the meantime, here is the newest blessing I hope to reassemble my broken glass for...

Baby Boy GL, Christmas Gift 2019